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4 Things We All Want in Friendship (Part 2)

Updated: Aug 27, 2023



As promised, here is part 2 of 4 Things We All Want in Friendship. I hope the previous two qualities mentioned in the first post have been insightful to you and reflecting on them has been helpful. I have the same hope for this post. Here are the additional two qualities I believe enrich and deepen your current and future friendships.


3. Support


Support can be for the good or hard times of our lives. I view support as uplifting/encouraging another person by providing assistance to a need they have. Since support is in the context of need, there are a variety of ways to provide support.


Support is uplifting/encouraging another person by providing assistance to a need they have.

Support during a good season of life can look like supporting their dreams, encouraging them in a challenge they want to overcome, or championing them as they seek to grow.


It could be being a running partner for someone who wants to run a marathon or a study-buddy for someone who wants to go back to college. The key is to discern where the need is for the other person. Sometimes this is complicated because we are all so different. However, if you do not nail it on the head, I am sure they will appreciate the attempt nonetheless.


Support during a hard season could look like bringing a casserole after a funeral or being available for late night phone calls that you would usually ignore.


Support truly does look different for everyone. However, being supported creates a feeling of comfort and confidence in our friendship.


Questions to ask yourself:


- Is my friend in a good or hard season?

- What is one need my friend is having right now that I may be able to meet?

- What kind of supportive actions are most meaningful to this specific friend?


4. Sacrifice


At first glance, support and sacrifice may seem very similar and in a lot of ways, they are. However, the main distinction I would like to make is support does not always require major self-sacrifice.


Support may require us to sacrifice, but often times it does not. We can provide support without ever feeling uncomfortable or challenged or having to change.


Sacrifice requires all of these things of us, and more.


Sacrifice asks us to lay down our preferences, to be aware of another person’s needs, to be more intentional, to lay down hurt, to change, to set aside our ego, to forgive, to make-up rather than cut-out, and to cultivate a safe place.


Sacrifice asks us to lay down our preferences, to be aware of another person’s needs, to be more intentional, to lay down hurt, to change, to set aside our ego, to forgive, to make-up rather than cut-out, and to cultivate a safe place.

Support is appreciated, but sacrifice is essential to the best and deepest friendships.


I want to share a personal example:


A couple of years ago, I remember going to bed with headaches and waking up with depression and anxiety. It surprised me. Despite not having a sufficient reason or explanation for such a random dark feeling, it was crippling to me for a couple of months.


My once self-sufficient, capable-self turned into someone who was insecure, reliant, and triggered by the boring and mundane. I was falling apart as far as I was concerned and I needed my people.


My friends and family rallied around me. They would let me stay the night with them so when I was awakened by my very consistent nightmares, I would wake up to the calming presence of another person. Some of them took off work and others helped me drop college classes, ones that I felt like I could no longer handle. They let me dominate conversation and speak my heart. They took phone calls and provided encouragement.


Relationships that might have once resembled a balanced give and take, were now tipped in my favor. I was taking and they were giving and there was no balance about it.


That is sacrifice. Sacrifice goes beyond normal support. Sacrifice says, “You aren’t just a person, you are my person.”


Sacrifice goes beyond normal support. Sacrifice says, “You aren’t just a person, you are my person.”

Sacrifice communicates that the relationship is of the highest priority.


I am not necessarily suggesting that we provide this level of sacrifice to everyone, but we need to provide it to someone. If we want a best friend instead of just an ordinary friendship, then we must sacrifice.


Sacrifice communicates permanence and priority. It provides safety. Sacrifice can sometimes differentiate between lifelong friendships from seasonal friendships.


Would you like this kind of friendship?


Questions to ask yourself:


- Have I deeply sacrificed for a friend? If so, how?

- How has sacrificing for a friend deepened a friendship?

- Does your friendship have a culture of sacrificing or is there a way you can encourage this kind of sacrificing more?


When it comes down to it, all four of these things will manifest differently in each relationship in application because everyone is different. However, treating others with significance, finding similarity, and providing support and sacrifice will bring our relationships to the next level. I hope you found this helpful friend. I am rooting for you.

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