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5 Questions My Husband and I Use For Our Family Meeting

Updated: Aug 27, 2023

A few months ago, my husband and I started a Sunday meeting after our kids went to bed. We began for a variety of reasons, one such reason being communication. I also believe we were attempting to form better marital habits and we needed to develop one good one in which the others could be built off of.

As with any good habit formation, we needed a cue. For us, the cue was Sunday and the kids going to bed.

Next, we needed a consistent pattern to follow, which are these five questions.

I will share with you the purpose behind each one and I hope that you can adopt some of ours, while adding some that are better suited to your relationship.

What are your plans for the week?

This one is simple. We need to know what each other has on the actual calendar. These are the mostly set-in-stone plans for the week. During this time, I have my calendar out, copying down our personal calendars together. This helps each other to know what to expect in regards to responsibility each day. This helps me know whether to plan a simple dinner over a complex one for example. It helps me to know how to pour out energy throughout the day and so much more.

What are your hopes for the week?

To me, these are our unofficial plans. The agendas and goals that we are walking around with in our head, that we may or may not communicate. So much conflict in marriage can be connected to unspoken expectations, hopes, and goals. This question during our meeting helps get these things out of our mind and into the open. It helps avoid conflict over competing hopes for our free time. Sometimes if we are aware of what one another is trying to accomplish in a week, we can work together to see to it that both of our goals are accomplished. Other times, one person may decide that what they had hoped to accomplish for that week is not of the upmost importance and decide to lay it aside for another week to create a better balance of time, energy, and cooperation. I can say, we never come out of this time angry with one another, but rather getting it all out there helps us work together as a team. On the contrary, when we keep things to ourselves, we usually end up working in opposite directions.

Where do you need my help this week?

There are some things that I am able to do, but are significantly more challenging for me than they are for my husband. This question allows me to ask for his assistance in his strengths. Sometimes, it is more specifically help with the kids. My husband does things like change our car oil. He is not able to do this without my help of watching them. So the goal behind this question is communicating where we can assist each other in accomplishing the family goals for the week.

Is there anything else you need to talk about?

Do you ever feel like it is hard to find a good time to talk about important topics? For me, a few factors play into why it can be difficult to talk about important subjects. One is the presence of my kids. I am a pretty protective parent over the innocence of childhood. I do not like to talk about things in front of them that do not feel age appropriate, may cause stress for them, or that I am totally unsure about.

Second is our family energy and emotions. Sometimes when my husband gets home, he has had a bad day. Sometimes I have had a bad day, but generally, productive conversations do not happen when one of us in a bad state of mind.

So nonetheless, sometimes trying to have a good conversation can turn into a bad conversation if the timing is not quite right.

This question is the opportunity to bring up the more meaningful topics that may not always fly off the tongue, or may not be received well if one of us is not prepared for it. These are things like, do we want more kids?, do we want a dog?, how do we want to school our children, deep concerns, and more. They can feel like heavy topics for your ordinary weeknight dinner, so this is how we make space for them.

How are you doing?

Do you have anyone in your life that you talk to all the time? Someone you say whatever is on your mind to, whether it is important or not? When I have a relationship like this with someone, whether my husband or a friend, sometimes I forget to pause and just ask how they are. It is like a conversation that doesn't stop so there is not a beginning point to start over again. "How are you" is a common start to a conversation, but generally you don't ask in the middle of one. So, while my husband and I are in this long conversation called life, this question is the reminder to check in on one another emotionally.

This practice for us is not complex. Our questions are not complex. They only provide the foundation for good communication. Sometimes to deepen our marriage, we don't need anything fancy, only an opportunity to heard.

If you would like to continue this discussion, I would love you to join my Facebook Group. Hope you are blessed friends.

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