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How To Be Done With Comparison Forever

Updated: Aug 27, 2023

Okay, let's just start by saying that being done with comparison forever is way easier said than done. Sending grace vibes your way. It is really okay to have a hard time with this, but I do want to offer you a vision of a life with a lot less comparison and with a lot more joy and inner peace. We all know comparison steals our inner peace and joy, right? As your friend, I want to do you a solid and offer some shifts in perspective that could free you up from comparison altogether.

Ditch the Scarcity Mindset

Have you ever had a time in your life where you were happily the most profound one in the room? Perhaps you were the funniest, the prettiest, or the most creative amongst your friends until she showed up. She was, in your eyes, more profound, funnier, prettier, or more creative. You felt a new insignificance wash right over you. You felt basically invisible. That's the scarcity mindset. It is the idea that if she gets more then you get less, and there is definitely not enough for all of us. It is as if life operates with 100 points and it is distributed among all of us, and if she has 80 pretty points then you are only left with 20 pretty points.

It looks something like this:

This may sound like a funny way of putting it, but many of us act like this. We go through life okay with ourselves, until someone shows up that we think is better. We go from being content with ourselves to feeling sort of less than. The only thing that changed? Her presence. You did not become less profound overnight or lose your sense of humor, beauty, or creativity but you begin to act like you did. This is what we need to stop. We need to stop acting as if we lost something when another lady shows up. You have not lost anything because of her presence, and you will feel a lot more joy if you get that.

So, how do we ditch this scarcity mindset? We replace it with a new one. What is our new mindset? It is one of abundance. The abundant mindset believes there is enough to go around for all of us. There are enough friends. There is enough beauty. There is enough influence. We will all have what we need given to us. The abundance mindset doesn't compete because it is not threatened to begin with. The abundance mindset believes that all things will be given to us in the right way, at the right time. The abundance mindset takes responsibility over its reality because it leaves victimhood at the door. Someone who thinks this way knows that no one makes them small, less than, or incapable.

So, let's get practical. Start saying to yourself, "There is enough for all of us. She doesn't threaten me. I am not less since she arrived." Then, act like yourself. Don't play small and look for evidence that all of this "enoughness" is true. You might find yourself a new believer and I hope you do. You might even start rooting for her. It is crazy stuff.

Stay in Your Own Lane

Another reason we get caught up in comparison is because we look outside of ourselves to know if we are doing life right. We look at others to see if we look right, or if we are going at the right pace, or if we got this career thing right. At the core of this is the belief that all our lives are to be mass produced. We are on the assembly line, and the parts being added to us are a 4 year bachelor's degree, married by 22, and a homeowner by 25. Most of us know that it is never like that. It isn't that clean cut. That level of sameness is kind of boring.

Rather than looking outside of ourselves for the way we are supposed to do life, maybe the path is internal. I personally believe we are all designed by God, uniquely, and the path to our personal version of a successful or good life is hinted at within us. What are you drawn to? What are you good at? What have your significant life experiences been? What is your personality like? If you consider all of those things, and you tap into your internal map, there is no way your life will look like anyone else's. It couldn't.

The key is to move your eyes from her life, to your life. That is staying in your own lane. It is time to stop looking at her life for hints of how to do yours right. Look inside and see what you find.

Remove Yourself from the Game Altogether

Okay, this last one is practical. We have talked about a few mindsets that will aid you in never comparing yourself again, but rather than mindsets this time, let's talk about actions. There are certain actions that will inevitably lead you to comparison and reasonable ways to avoid them. Let's look at some of them.

1. Do not zoom in on other ladies photos.

Is it even possible to do this and not compare? I truly don't think it is. If you have found a way then let me know, but for now, I think I will keep this rule.

2. Do not over analyze her.

If you are taking the time to linger on someone else for any other reason than to know them, discovery, or intrigue, then it is likely that comparison will follow. You may begin to notice how others seem to like her more. Whereas, if you put boundaries in place with yourself and how far you will let your mind go, then you will be anchored in your security. You won't perceive lack. You will be resting in your moment and that moment will be enough.

3. Take a break from social media.

No matter how good our intentions are and how good our social media behavior is, it feels as though our best defenses are eroded, bit by bit, when we spend too much time in the digital world. It is challenging to remain unimpacted by the highlights of others' lives when we are living life devoid of an active relationship with them. I don't know about you but I follow about a thousand people on Instagram alone. I am lucky if I have an active, in real life, relationship with even 100 of them. On top of that, I probably only have an intimate relationship with maybe 25 of them, the kind of intimate relationship where we share the good and the hard. The one-sided relationship that social media presents to us will get the best of us. Take a break. Replenish your perspective. I know mine needs it sometimes.

Well friends, I hope this helps. Practice. Stick to it. You got this girl, you always do. Rooting for you bunches.

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