It may be your game-changer. And it doesn't have to be complicated.
Has anyone ever asked you the question, “How are you doing?” And all you can think to say is the cliché answer… “I’m good”?
Because the “probable” truth is, this person doesn’t have the time or energy to hear how you’re actually doing.
And then, there’s those times (which happen to me often) that you don’t even know how you’re actually doing.
Application
So now let’s apply this to marriage. When is the last time you asked your spouse, “How are you?”
And I’m not just talking about a quick “How are ya?” I’m talking about giving him or her your undivided attention and saying, “How are you doing right now?” (With the intention of a decent, undistracted conversation).
Because the truth of the matter is, there are so many things that get swept under the rug or pushed to the side in our marriages. Whether it's due to business, exhaustion, or just the everyday demands of life, we need check-ins with our spouse to get on the same page and evaluate the different aspects of our well-being. (More on this later).
What a Family Meeting Is:
If you haven't read our other blogs on family meetings, then you need to know right now that this was the game-changer for Anne's marriage and my own. (Links for Anne's family meeting blogs: The 5 Benefits, 5 Questions My Husband and I Use For Our Family Meeting) (Links for Kalista's family meeting blog: A Family Meetup May Be Your Marriage Game-Changer).
I have never felt more on the same page with my spouse than I am now since implementing our weekly family meeting. So here’s what it is:
In short, our version of “a family meeting” is: A weekly check-in with your spouse to get on the same page and discuss the matters that need talked about.
For my husband and I, this means we share our plans for the week, hopes for the week, how we can help each other during the week, anything else on our hearts, and (my personal favorite question), "how are you?"
It's a needed reminder that we are on the same team, we share different roles and responsibilities, and we can help each other accomplish the tasks and desires in our lives.
What a Family Meeting is Not
Let me also be clear about what a weekly family meeting is not.
It's not something to dread, a waste of time, or an excuse to push blame on each other for certain hot topics.
I'll be honest; when my husband first brought up the idea of having "family meetups," I was skeptical because it felt like just one more thing on my plate. (That's terrible, isn't it!)
My plate felt SO full already, and I was unsure that we could devote the kind of time and undivided attention which a proper family meeting requires. (In my defense, the meetup he was talking about back then was quite extensive. We have shortened it since then, and we try to do the longer version once a month).
Now that we have implemented it, I am completely convinced that these weekly family meetings are a game-changer. They are not a waste of time, not something to dread, and not an excuse to play the blame-game. Quite the opposite, actually.
The Importance of a Family Meeting
Back to what I said earlier about evaluating the different aspects of our well-being...
Just think about how complex the human experience can be. My husband and I have different personalities, different genetics, different ways we see the world, different jobs, different responsibilities, different schedules at times, etc.
So with all this in mind, plus the never-ending demands of life, how in the world would we expect to stay on the same page unless we were intentional to do it?
Sometimes, I honestly wonder how distant we would be in our relationship if we never implemented a family meetup.
Here's a real-life example of what would have fallen through the cracks if we didn't have a meetup last week:
Home group on Sunday night (once a month)
Plans for Memorial Day?
Hair cuts next week
Do we have everything we need for vacation next month?
Let's help each other more with meal planning (Alex keeps inventory of the freezer)
Date night on Tuesday
These are just 6 examples of things my husband and I talked about in our meetup, and honestly, I would have forgot about half of them! Not to mention, the conversation we had about "how are you doing?" Which, (I will mention actually) was much, much needed.
How Are You?
I do want to end on this “how are you” question, because it has opened the door to many conversations with my husband that I didn’t see coming. One time, I remember telling him, “Okay, I knew something was bothering you, but I had no idea it was that complex.”
This question kind of stops time and causes us to reflect on the soul-ish things which may have been neglected throughout the week.
If your soul is made up of your mind, will, and emotions, how much of these matters get put on the back-burner for a “better time” to process? Will that time ever come if you don't have a weekly meeting planned?
If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not always the best at evaluating "how I'm doing" unless someone is intentional to ask me. I like to think that I'm self-aware and "in tune with my conscience," or whatever people say nowadays.
But the truth is, I just don't even know unless I have someone to process it with.
Ask yourself some of these questions:
What in your heart needs processed right now?
What needs talked through with your spouse?
What's coming up in your schedules that you haven't discussed yet?
How can you best help your spouse in this season?
How can your spouse best help you in this season?
How is your spouse doing?
How are you doing?
What stressors are you each facing right now?
What is going well in your lives?
What needs worked on?
I could go on and on. And shameless plug: We do have Family Meeting Topic Cards to help facilitate these discussions with your spouse. You can grab them by clicking the button below! (It will not duplicate your email).
Family Meeting Topic Cards
Regardless, my biggest encouragement to you is to pick a few of those questions and just get the conversation started.
“A good marriage isn’t something you find, it is something you make, and you have to keep making it." - Gary Thomas
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